Today, from a slow and steady plod, I accelerate my death with one Mars Bar, one Magnum and one Gay Time.*
Today, with quiet desperation, I shoot them one by one into my veins; they find refuge inside my arteries and in the dry caverns under my vital organs.
Today, I mark upon my calendar the day that two grey hairs revealed themselves to me upon my head, certain in their intent.
Today, I’m makin’ ice-cream!
*[insert joke here]