April 2009
127 posts
Watching Diggnation #200 - I’m gonna guess that either ‘chode’ means a very different thing in the US, or else Alex has a very stubby dick.
I can’t tell if tonight my singing sucks, or if it feels this way ‘cause I haven’t brushed my teeth. GIVE UP, CENTRAL HEATING!!! IT’S WARM!!
Regardless of what ingredient I start with or what my best intentions are, I always end up eating nacho’s. With that ingredient on top.
Whilst listening to someone hang-up on our answering machine, I invented an arse dance that’ll have all the single ladies putting a cock-r..
…cock-ring again and I’ll hunt you down! You private number fuck-s…
scrotum n. a pouch of skin containing spare change.
“Excuse me a moment.. Sorry ‘bout this! But I know I have two dollars here somewhere..”
…fuck-stick our answering machine in your pipe, smoke it, then leave a freakin’ message biarch.
Productivity tip #238: Put smiley faces next to your ‘To Do’ items; makes them look like they’re smiling at you!
This morning Mum and Dad left for Sydney for the weekend (for a friends birthday) and some of their 'advice' apart from the usual was about our aging dog...
Dad: And bury Toby if he dies.
Me: Mum, do you want me to freeze him so you can pat him before we do?
Mum: Yeessss!
Dad: Just put him in a bag, first.
Damn! Yahoo! is just so *totally* hip-to-the-jive all of a sudden. Think I’ll sign up for a FREE email account! Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!
The last line killed me: http://au.tv.yahoo.com/family-guy/#fop Click on “Family Guy - Stewie tells Brian to get back out there”
The spoon is the only thing reminding me that this is related to eating breakfast: http://twitpic.com/46j6n
BWYM Weekly - 61 →
A cautionary breeze alerts Jason to a failing - in the pants region. Daniel proposes a start-up company around hard rubbish, then gives dubious advice on a topic he’s read one book about; follow with a grain of salt, to taste.
flop ya mac out 61: twitterbug →
Apple and Microsoft advertisements go head to head - with a few blows below the belt? Dan and Jase push the boundaries of the tech genre, with a few tips to spice up any couples or singles life; Bump up your love life!
“Writing emails in a club… Apparently not cool!” @megasend you are cooler than the bees knees. And just look at the knees of those bees. They are cool knees.
“Nude up, love.”
– Overheard from my parents room…. I’m 99% sure he was joking. (via dontellmysecrets)
Our little secret...
I’m actually Megan’s ghost writer. This is my best work to date.
dontellmysecrets:
I just dropped a fork! Haha! And now I’m lonely :(
I just manually brushed my teeth.
Unblock
INT: MORNING
Me: Muuuuuum, my ear is still blocked with water from swimming last night.
Mum: Putting your head in the toilet and flushing it does not count as swimming. It's more... Bobbing for brown apples.
Me: There's water in my ear - still!
Mum: Well let's try what the audiologists daughter did - put a drop of metho in your ear.
Me: Mmm.. Okay.
[Mum goes out to garage with a straw. Returns.]
Mum: Okay, I've practised. Bend over. No no, sideways.
[Some goes in ear, some doesn't.]
Mum: Okay, perhaps sit upright now.
Me: So... Was that turps, or metho?
Mum: Oo! Umm... I don't know, actually!... I didn't look! Hmm..
Me: Hmm. Hmmmm......
[I go and flush my head in the toilet again to dilute mineral turpentine from my inner ear.]
WatchRob Corddry Has A Broner from FOD Team and Rob Corddry (via merlin)
Shhhh!.. Go back to sleep, Michael… It was just another bad dream about being pleasured by a middle aged woman who doesn’t climb trees.
It’s hard, when masturbating with blocked ears.. Or unblocked ears. But currently I can’t hear whether or not my brother is enjoying it.
BWYM Weekly - 60 →
Jason feeds the chooks, but gets no love from the birds, despite Mad Seed Skillz. Dan belts out his latest single, Dick In My Hand: A story of a lady who touched the crouch of a cross dressing go-go dancer. And how do you lubricate your cereal?
I call this contempory dance piece, Dance of the Post-shower-naked-man-plus-towel-jumping-all-angles-to-get-freakin-water-out-of-ears.
Better than floating, Daniel Jackson swims!! Until I don’t. And just walk the rest of the lane. Much more convenient! Where there’s air!
“8======D ~o ~o ~o”
– Boner and spermies. First seen by me in Digg comments.
When sun-dried tomatos start smelling like genitals, it’s time to get some new sun-dried tomatos. And to stop smelling genitals.
RT @drtiki: funny joke, NSFW: http://tinyurl.com/c9qloy (via @kentnichols)
RT @tferriss: New Onion video - Outsourcing Your Own Job: http://snipurl.com/gc99q
RT @jasondeacon: Looking for pleasure online? Well look no further than http://delightyourdoodle.com/
Daniel Jackson - Little Duckies (Ze Frank...
The movie trilogy meter: http://tinyurl.com/cvn9jf
Today I met a guy who is trying to put the ‘sex’ back in to ‘stamps’. I’m not sure what to do with the semen sample that came with the mag..
“Your dreams are a recognition of what you truly are and how you can contribute...”
– Thomas Herold
This world is so small I may one day end up shitting on myself.
You know the only thing Yahoo! email is good for? Sending freaking attachments when gmail is a chunt the whole week long!
Ze Frank certainly didn’t hold back a response when someone pissed him off… http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/archives/2006/09/092506.html
“I break your rabbit. Then I eat your rabbit. It likes it. Then we dance!..”
– My brain
Breakfast with Yo Mama presents…
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